Darling when our hearts pass by, they only converse in adolescent tones
and dream of blissful highs.
This man of mine,
too wise to mislead our minds
and I seem to be stuck in that moment of time.
Everybody tells me I’m blind,
that there’s no home in this shell of a man.
I find I fit just fine.
When we meet, I enjoy the change of feeling,
take note of the time.
So I walk the same route,
thinking your heart would meet mine,
but you hide
and bear of the weight of our problems, causing wars inside.
Why won’t you talk to me? Aren’t you tired of parading your pride?
Deceiving the ones you see, but you can only part so far from me.
I’ll sink in this bed with you a little longer,
hoping it’ll bring us closer.
Two lost souls pouring light into the other,
just as kids do.
So when one hurts the other,
I recluse inside.
Fearing the damage I’ve caused to the one I stand beside.
When the skies turn to gray, and the guilt of absent words clouds my judgement of time.
I imagined having more kisses, more hugs, more memories to bind.
Look at where our love has left us, skin and bones,
and your body language that’s all too familiar to this little girl still struggling with life.
Juggling truths and lies, expression through bouts of anger
only push us to separate sides.
I know you hoped for a rescue other than I,
maybe the therapy would succeed and extinguish the fumes you held inside.
I stood in mine, but you went running, still, I heard your cries.
Even louder than mine.
Just dry your tears and pray
we make it out this bitter place.
But when the words commence, your spirit walks away.
I search for the body that follows
and I’m saddened by what I find:
just the shell of a man, coming to terms with his dreams being left behind.
I can’t help but notice a once joyous union now houses somber spirits, and the emptiness echoes cries.
When issues arise, you hide,
fighting battles by your lonesome cause I’m not allowed inside.
For the time being, I’ll swallow my pride.
Stand beside a love that only makes sense to you and I.
Hoping the space would change your mind,
but I close my eyes and let you decide.
I thought I could fix you,
and I tried.
You don’t know the misery
of a heart gone blind,
willing to do anything to change the way you felt inside.
Although you’re one of a kind,
I won’t tell a lie,
there is subtle anger
when you cross my mind.
How you were able to transition
and left my heart behind.
Maybe you’ve made it outside
admiring the skies
among the balcony of worries we’ve built to cover tall tales and lies.
How do you miss the signs of somebody you watched so closely?
I saw you drowning,
but I pushed it to the side.
Thinking you’d just hold on for dear life, scared to save your life and lose mine.
These days I wait for the guilt to subside
but it’s still lurking in my mind.
Captive among the occasional grips that love is no longer by my side.
It’s only apparent how much I lack inside.
I could implode, lash out and cry,
rather I consider how it shows up in my life.
Through my lack of patience, through my lies,
through the cold act I’ve adopted to avoid emotional bribes.
When my knees weaken and my head falls to my feet,
do I remain bare? Do I keep it there?
Do I bask in these peaks of delusion before my grief takes the lead?
In this weight of life, it feels so cold and gray.
They think I’m made of stone,
but I am insecure. I’m fragile and I tend to break.
We’ve all got demons we face,
some turn into bitter people who snark at the nearest embrace.
Some are captive by acceptance and that’s the life they chase.
When I’m at a crossroads and I fear both paths to take,
I find myself slower to anger,
I have a God that guides the way.
So when my heart starts breaking and in floods the shame, I give it all to Him.
In a life so grim, we’re way too beautiful to feel this pain.
I know you’re in a good place, you’re safe.
No more running, no more hiding your face.
My heart still sings somber tones, and it starts breaking when I lay,
in a bed so empty, but I find rest because you’re ok.
So don’t worry about me.
Walk unto to the promise land,
your spirit is free.
Remove these shackles from your feet,
Glory, let it be.